Do you want to feel old for a moment? Of course you don’t but just go along with my story anyway.
So…if you do NOT want to feel old, you should absolutely never, ever, ever work at a University.
There’s the obvious, everyone that isn’t older than you is young and vibrant, good looking and full of energy. They are still capable of acing a test and looking great just two hours after passing out from a night of keg stands and beer bongs.
And they are still full of things like idealism and optimism and all kinds of other ism’s that those of us on the upside of 29 have left behind. Life has not yet stolen from them all the blind ambition and wonderfulness that youth provides.
Our gentle reminder of our oldness for today came from one of our student workers. When playfully asked by one of the senior (really old) staff if he was being ‘Eddie Haskelly’, he asked “Isn’t that like Jimmy Hoffa?”
We here at the Leper Colony have decided that is a fantastic answer. To anything. The boss asks you if you’ve seen the Admissions Report…”Isn’t that like Jimmy Hoffa?” Your hubby asks you if you know about the Alex Rodriguez steroid scandal…”Isn’t that like Jimmy Hoffa?” Your doctor asks you if you’ve been watching your cholesterol….”Isn’t that like Jimmy Hoffa?”
Anytime you need to play dumb, or really are dumb, just pull the Jimmy Hoffa clause out and you can safely walk way the verbal victor in that conversation.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
It's In The Past!
So my 16 year old daughter is dating a 19 year old stupid boy and I don’t like it. I don’t have a lot of say in it either. See, her idiot Dad lets stupid boy stay at his house every other weekend, during his court ordered visitation weekends.
For the entire weekend.
Twice a month my 16 year old daughter is playing house with stupid boy. It would be easier to swallow if they were doing normal teen things. Going on dates, hanging out with friends, trying to find places to make out, etc.
But I’m a liar; no it would not be easier. Stupid boy is going to be 20 before she turns 17!
And the more I don’t like him, the more she does. I’ve been trying to play the ‘he’s a nice kid and I don’t have anything against him as a person, but I do have a problem with the age difference’ card but it’s backfiring on me. Now she wants to have him over at our house sometimes so I can get to know him better.
Fuck that, there is just something wrong with this kid. And I don’t want her to accidently get pregnant and pass down more idiot genes that she already inherited from her idiot father.
Bean has even tried to pull the “You can’t tell me you never dated anyone older” line. I got her back with a “Well now I know why my parents had such a problem with it.” Cause I don’t want to be the hypocrite parent who pretends to have been a saint. I want her to know its okay to be human. It’s just not okay to be stupid.
But she LOVES him! How can I deny LOVE?!?!
Idiot Dad swears that he never takes his eyes off of the two of them for the entire weekend, every other weekend, so they can’t possibly be having sex.
Really?
I asked him if he remembers how I used to sneak him into my bedroom and we’d have fuck like animals, only quiet animals as to not wake up my parents, and then I would make him sleep in the space under the basement stairs in case my parents checked in on me sleeping before they went to work. And then we would wake up and do it some more.
He said “Well that’s different, that’s the past. That was us not them.”
Seriously, he still uses the ‘that’s the past’ excuse? For this?
That just shows how blind teen girls are that they can not see that kind of stupidity in a person.
It reminds me of a pivotal moment in my and idiot Dads relationship.
Daily Grace – “I’m leaving you, I can’t do this anymore.”
Idiot Dad – “What? Why? What are you talking about?”
Daily Grace – “Because you’re cheating on me!”
Idiot Dad – “I’m not, you’re crazy.”
Daily Grace – “I walked in on you and Debbie!”
Idiot Dad – “That’s in the Past!”
Daily Grace – “IT WAS AN HOUR AGO!!!”
Idiot Dad – “There you go again! Why can’t you just leave it alone? The past is in the past and you always have to bring it up and throw it in my face!”
I don’t know what else to say about all this, except….
Please God/Goddess/Buddha/Odin/Allah/The Great Spirit/The Universe, please let my beautiful baby girl see the light relatively quickly and get through this with only minor scars on her psyche and please don’t let it fuck up her entire life.
For the entire weekend.
Twice a month my 16 year old daughter is playing house with stupid boy. It would be easier to swallow if they were doing normal teen things. Going on dates, hanging out with friends, trying to find places to make out, etc.
But I’m a liar; no it would not be easier. Stupid boy is going to be 20 before she turns 17!
And the more I don’t like him, the more she does. I’ve been trying to play the ‘he’s a nice kid and I don’t have anything against him as a person, but I do have a problem with the age difference’ card but it’s backfiring on me. Now she wants to have him over at our house sometimes so I can get to know him better.
Fuck that, there is just something wrong with this kid. And I don’t want her to accidently get pregnant and pass down more idiot genes that she already inherited from her idiot father.
Bean has even tried to pull the “You can’t tell me you never dated anyone older” line. I got her back with a “Well now I know why my parents had such a problem with it.” Cause I don’t want to be the hypocrite parent who pretends to have been a saint. I want her to know its okay to be human. It’s just not okay to be stupid.
But she LOVES him! How can I deny LOVE?!?!
Idiot Dad swears that he never takes his eyes off of the two of them for the entire weekend, every other weekend, so they can’t possibly be having sex.
Really?
I asked him if he remembers how I used to sneak him into my bedroom and we’d have fuck like animals, only quiet animals as to not wake up my parents, and then I would make him sleep in the space under the basement stairs in case my parents checked in on me sleeping before they went to work. And then we would wake up and do it some more.
He said “Well that’s different, that’s the past. That was us not them.”
Seriously, he still uses the ‘that’s the past’ excuse? For this?
That just shows how blind teen girls are that they can not see that kind of stupidity in a person.
It reminds me of a pivotal moment in my and idiot Dads relationship.
Daily Grace – “I’m leaving you, I can’t do this anymore.”
Idiot Dad – “What? Why? What are you talking about?”
Daily Grace – “Because you’re cheating on me!”
Idiot Dad – “I’m not, you’re crazy.”
Daily Grace – “I walked in on you and Debbie!”
Idiot Dad – “That’s in the Past!”
Daily Grace – “IT WAS AN HOUR AGO!!!”
Idiot Dad – “There you go again! Why can’t you just leave it alone? The past is in the past and you always have to bring it up and throw it in my face!”
I don’t know what else to say about all this, except….
Please God/Goddess/Buddha/Odin/Allah/The Great Spirit/The Universe, please let my beautiful baby girl see the light relatively quickly and get through this with only minor scars on her psyche and please don’t let it fuck up her entire life.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Twinkie Hot Dogs
So yesterday I finally felt like an actual 'one of them' within The Leper Colony. One of the guys brought in the stuff to make Twinkie hot dogs and I sent an email declaring them miraculously delicious and he thought it was the funniest thing and it suddenly dawned on me that maybe, just maybe...they like me, they actually like me.
Feels good.
Twinkie Hot Dogs
- take one Twinkie and cut it open from the bottom like a hot dog bun
- place one cooked hot dog inside Twinkie
- drizzle spray cheese on top
- eat and enjoy
Feels good.
Twinkie Hot Dogs
- take one Twinkie and cut it open from the bottom like a hot dog bun
- place one cooked hot dog inside Twinkie
- drizzle spray cheese on top
- eat and enjoy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)